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I would have it at our first encounter I would have had to feel it, I should have felt it?
Even if I remember this apparently random meeting, I still cannot measure the signs that I should have deciphered.
The pictures of back then live in me, I can call them up like a film. It is almost me as if I could still feel the sun on my skin when I was sitting in the café, my Spanish textbook in front of me, concentrated on the irregular verbs that I just didn’t want to keep …Done – and he spoke to me … “Such indecent words should not come from such a pretty mouth – at least not around this time of day” ..
I turned around, already a flippant answer to my lips … and looked into a friendly smiling face, laugh lines around the eyes, sympathetic, somehow! The man was attractive? Perhaps at second glance, a little too slag for my taste, a little too little body tone, harmless! No reason at least to feel turned on or to become clever … “I try to swear in Spanish the next time,” so I smiled and smiled back kindly!
He asked politely whether he could sit down with me, he came from southern Germany and simply cannot get used to the north German habit, always separate himself instead of in Contact to go with people! He was curious about people and like to be among people – a statement that later proved to be completely untrue – but exactly the way to lure me … Oh yes, he had an eye for his victims, a seventh meaning for their longingsAnd wish … and so he quickly recognized that I also suffered from the Hanseatic reservation and was sometimes a bit lonely in this city as an extroverted Ruhr area gors!
And how quickly I told me about myself … that it was the job that had led me here, an offer of a respected magazine that you just couldn’t refuse as a young photographer … no, I don’t have many friends yet, everyone is more veryNice, but just with your own circles … yes, among other things, the Spanish course to make contacts and, because at some point I wanted to live in the south … a dream, maybe … but what would life be without dreams!?
In the retrospective, it is quite obvious that he hardly told himself, a few chunks to tend on me, he asked rather very interested, very intelligent and very funny – my profile neurosis cheered with so much attention today – today I think that he also cheeredhad quickly recognized this deficit and knew how to use it ..
The afternoon passed as if I had also taken a look at the vocabulary – but I had spread my little life in a three -hour soul striptease from this completely strange man without realizing it! How needy I was after contact, after recognition, for attention!
When he suddenly got up and thanked for the nice conversation, it was like a sudden awakening from a kind of trance … a touch of loss – and I couldn’t really understand the feeling today, we were today the first time met! How should I have recognized at the time that he had already selected me months before, had studied me, dissected, had penetrated me without having an idea of it.
Today I know that our second meeting was not accidental, he later told me when I was already delivered Was, his creature, shaped according to his ideas, to the sake of him, in an exciting way in his hands!
But so I was just amazed at the joy that I made when he was standing behind me at the box office!
“Isn’t it sad to go to the cinema alone,” he whispered to me … and had hit another sore point! Go for a walk alone and go to the cinema alone – for me the symbols of loneliness! It was the film title that had lured me “Together you are less alone” the trailer promised – and I had to put a packet of tempot cloths in foresight, but the story hit me in the heart!
He actually only wanted to pre -order tickets for the next evening, he said … but if I would allow, he could do it to me today that he has nothing to do now ..
That evening, later, after a few glasses of red wine, we exchanged our mobile numbers … only in the event that there is a lack of nice accompaniment during any cinema visits, as he said!
The same night I received a message in which he thanked for the stimulating society that he was a feast to be able to enjoy me … and still I had to smile about the expressionsHis face open for the first time in my inner eye when I fantasized with erotic thoughts on my sleep!
What followed was an increasing contact via SMS, later by email, we wrote to ourselves, or better: I reported about myself, he asked, I said about my experiences, my childhood, my everyday life-he replied promptly, reliable, interested and quickly became a fixture in my life. I feverishly checked my news several times a day, he always had left me a bit – like a music link, a book review, indications of photo exhibitions – but never the request for another meeting!
I noticed that it increasingly frustrated that he apparently had no ambitions to experience me real, the virtual accompaniment seemed important to him, but also enough … So I tried to lure him, announced when I was to find whereWhich verniss I think to visit, how much I would like to eat Thai again, that this fantastic A-capella concert would soon be … no reaction! He wished me a lot of pleasure, he asked how it was, he reminded each of my project – but he never appeared! I suffered ..
When months later a smoky voice from the crowd into my ear whispered “the mulled wine with a shot or rather without?“, I almost fainted, the floor tasted under my feet and my neck hair stood at the second for the second. A small bomb exploded in my stomach, my nipples straightened up and I was immediately wet – an incredible reaction of my body that I was unable to influence! It was amazing! How remote controlled I turned to him to answer unable to act unable to act, simply like hypnotized. When I looked him in the eye, I knew that at that moment he can look at my soul, I knew that he senses my excitement, I am an open book for him!
However, it did not correspond to his being to show anything about it! He just put me under, chatted over his holiday plans, drew me attention to one or the other handicrafts … friendly small talk … and in the middle of it, in a light chat, the question: “Are you actually more submissive or dominant?”
Completely perplexed, defenseless in my excitement and surprise, I did not think about the answer for long, but spontaneously replied: “I think more submissive.”
A knowing smile scurried over his trains, in short, hardly noticeable when he stayed in walking for a second, looked at me with an unfathomable look, in order to finally go through the crowd … no word … only this look!
Minutes later, when we arrived on the edge of the fairground, he took me firmly on both upper arms and turned me to him-for the first time we were so close to ourselves.Assumption of his strength and incredible presence!
“Are you sure,” he asked me very seriously, without the touch of a smile, “you know what submissive means?”
My answer seemed to be very important to him, I was unsettled, did not want to annoy him by rashly chatter! At the same time I felt deprived of my skills, was how tied up, completely overwritten by his gaze. I tried to think clearly, pictures of player playing and a little fixation rushed through my brain, might be light slaps..I had already tried all of this, I had liked it, I had liked to be subordinate, were happy to be guided … I refused hardcore SM, I was very sure about it! But leave the lead to the man – gladly!
We still stood opposite each other, patiently he looked down at me, awaited my answer with Steinerner Mine! “I think so,” I finally reeled, hoping that he would be satisfied with it!
“Little girl, I hardly believe that we talk about the same,” he said after a further examination, let go of my arms and turned to walk, just left me, trembling and injured! Smin torn in me, in the middle of my chest … As I do by itself, I stumbled after him, crying now, humiliated, but not willing to lose him like this!
“Then explain it to me!“I asked him whimpering when I finally reached him and held him on the sleeve of his coat! A look of him was enough, and I really let go of the fabric. “Please explain it to me,” I whispered again!
What I was ashamed of? I still can’t say it exactly today. Probably for my ignorance, certainly, I felt so miserable, so inexperienced, small town. At the same time, however, I felt that my pride was broken, I wrapped after a man that I would have fell on my knees in front of him, on the edge of the Christmas market, in front of all the people who passed us in the middle of the thawed, mushy snow -Everything doesn’t matter as long as he just didn’t let me stand that way!
It seemed like an eternity, he pierced me with his eyes, like an insect in an petri dish I was under a microscope and he estimated my whole I – until he finally said: “Okay”, took me by the hand and closedhis automobile led that he had parked nearby.
His mood fluctuations robbed me of the last remaining nerves, I was at the end of my strength, I let myself be guided into the car, sagged in the upholstery and babbered all over the body! My excitement was completely gone, I was just exhausted!
He seemed to be unaffected by my desolate constitution next to me in the driver’s seat and now looked at me tenderly! “You freeze, my girl … little, dear girl … nice girl”, and gently stroked my cheek with a finger! At the moment my rectangles straight up on the arms, this man electrified me – and he knew it!
“I bring you home, I take care of you, I’ll be with you,” he whispered in my ear, turned back and started the engine. It could have been puzzled that he was targeting the way to my apartment, but I was no longer able to think anything other than “he wants me, he protects me, he stays with me”, grateful and infinitely easier.
He took my bag on my doorstep, searched the front door key and locked up – he led me up the stairs to the first floor and opened my apartment door, as if it were a matter of course – we came home after a stroll through the Christmas market ..
In the apartment he only had to orient himself briefly to find the bathroom … he took my steps there and I felt next to him, as paralyzed. While he had bathing water run in, he held out without ceasing, he did not let the connection be torn down. He did everything he did in slowness and very contemplative, each of his handles was very precise, I took all of this, but all my senses were concentrated on the tactile of his hand in my ..
Provoked calmly he finally turned to me and let go of my hand. He did not say a word, but in silence he opened the zipper of my jacket. When he struck me off my shoulders, I worried! When he started to open my blouse, I felt that my labia swelled when he thinks bra I opened, I went out without having only touched my chest in advance! When he grazed my jeans from my legs, I believed to burn internally when he pulled out my panties, I came up for the first time, loud and violent!
I wanted to rub myself on him, wanted to feel him, I was horny, I wanted to ride him, feel it in me ..
But he stood in front of me, my panties still in my hand, and looked at me in my nudity – he kept me alone with his view of the distance and asked quietly: “I allowed you to come? We still have a lot to learn, seems to me ” – that was the only reaction to me, my body, my lust … and I got the hint of an idea of what I had engaged … too late to avoid it,attached, curious, lust – later I tried to explain to a friend that he fucked my head – she didn’t understand me!
But how should you describe what happened in the following weeks with me, my spirit, my soul, my will, my body?
How should you make it understandable that I gave up to be born again, that I gave away and won an infinite much more? Who wants to measure how happy I am?
I am very wife, I’m all of me, I’m pure sensation!
I was nothing – now I am, with body and soul!
It was a long way, from that time, in December at the Christmas market to the present day, since I recognized my calling! I learned a lot of lessons, some were painful but necessary to get to fulfill!
It allowed me to write down our story, and so maybe I want to try to give others an example, all those who feel slumbering but do not dare to give in!
In the subway I see some people read “Shades of Gray”, this is up to date … I can’t compete with that. I am not mass -komped, I am not representative … I can only trace my way step by step, maybe there are readers who recognize themselves!
I don’t have much time to write, I have a lot of tasks … but little by little I will tell and enjoy my self -discovery myself!
Today I say: “Yes, I’m submissive!“ – And I thank mine Teacher, my gentleman!
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